October 2009
2 posts
July 2009
18 posts
My FML Moment
I thought it would be a great idea not to put sunscreen on my WHITE legs. Result: I’m on 800 Ibuprofen for swelling, Spray Aloe so i don’t have to touch my legs, spray Bactine for severe burns, immersed my legs in vinegar water to help the stinging, AND I missed the first day of a FREE workout “Bootcamp” because I can barely walk up the stairs. FML.
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty,...”
– Bruce Lee (via kari-shma)
Jeff and I have that “deep burn.” Much like Will Ferrell in Anchorman when he was doing 1,000 arm curls.
Real Conversation with my Mother
Mom: Oh, those are cute {shoes}! Are they Jessica Simpson?
Me: Thanks! Yeah, how did you know?
Mom: I just know her style.
Me: Wow, I'm impressed!
Mom: Yeah, too bad Tony Romo dumped her on her birthday!
Me: Haha, no kidding!
Mom: Yeah, her and Jennifer Aniston have a hard time hanging onto a man. If they can't, there sure as hell isn't hope for me.
Stray Link: Teen Girl Falls Down Open Sewer... →
thedailywhat:
One of my biggest fears, realized.
[via.]
SCAAAAAARY!!!!
June 2009
21 posts
My Mother the Hipster
Mom: What are you doing, texting?
Me: No, I'm looking at Facebook.
Mom: Oh, I was on Facebook the other day.
Me: Oh, cool!
Mom: Yeah, I saw Kaila online and I started chatting with her.
Me: On Facebook? Like, using the chat feature?
Mom: Yeah, I said, 'Hi Sweetie, how are you?'
Me: Wow Mom, that is very techy of you.
This is me (the old lady) in 50 years. No doubt.
fmylife:
Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she “blew up her toilet”. FML
fmylife:
Today, I decided to make pancakes from scratch. I poured the batter in my Perfect Pancake pan. Then I told my brother who was watching, “This is so easy. Just watch.” I burned 15 pancakes, including the one I dropped on the burner, which lit on fire, causing the alarm to go off. FML
Haha. This is SO something that would happen to me.
p.s. I love flapjacks.
Inner Peace
Some doctor on the TV this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, abutle of vocka, a pockage of Pringlies, tha mainder of a botl...
South Beach Diet-Day 1
It’s in full effect today. I’ve had 2 reduced fat cheese sticks and 2 cups of coffee with sugar free creamer. And when I say cups, I mean 2 very large oversized coffee mugs. What else would I mean?
Need to go get lunch now. Egg beaters with spinach and sea salt. Deeeeeelish. I know it sounds gross, but just wait a few weeks. It will blow your mind.
Holla.
“Don’t take life too serious. You’ll never escape it alive anyway.”
– - Elbert Hubbard (via justbesplendid)
Ummmm, hellllllooooooo? Didn’t Van Wilder make this quote famous?
“It’s hard to be this ridiculously good looking”-Derek Zoolander”
